Introduction
The passions of the past 3 or 4 years as articulated in social media especially have obliged me to reimagine the basis of relating and communicating.
A few years ago I was an active participate in a forum created by the Skeptiko podcast but quit with a few allies after the culture of the forum deteriorated beyond our capacity for tolerance. For me it became a place where aggressive intolerant and dogmatic participants were given free reign and assertive and offensive counters to reasonable statements were deemed appropriate. At least that was my take on it, in company with a lot of other folks.
One of those allies went on to be involved in the creation of Psience Quest [PQ] – an alternative forum which attracted other Skeptiko refugees. They reflected on the motives of the founders of the new forum saying, “We set up PQ to safeguard the community, putting its future into our own hands, and taking it out of the hands of a singular, capricious host.”
The idea that a community needed protecting isn’t novel, it’s just rare to see it working out.
Social media seemed to have so much promise as an opportunity for a collaborative sharing of ideas but it seems to have become an amplifier of our baser reflexes and a stalking ground for predators. I have largely quit social media in deep disappointment. My X/Twitter account has languished unused for over a decade. My Facebook account is likewise abandoned. I have no compelling reason yet to kill either account.
I have retained Linked-In for professional reasons, but it’s hardly more than a kind social network with job ads these days.
Last year I read several books on X/Twitter and the problems of social media. The vociferous champions of free speech aggressively assert their rights to lie, mislead, insult and abuse.
I am not averse to a right to free speech, but I think it comes with responsibilities. These include civility and honesty.
I know a lot of what happened on the Skeptiko forum was down to folks sitting down at their computer and getting steadily drunker. Angry drunks get ruder as they drink. But happy drunks don’t – they just get infuriatingly reasonable – a red rag to an angry drunk’s bull.
Social media has simply concentrated and magnified an existing problem. Our culture has determined that what we think and believe is a contest, rather than a collaboration. We are habituated to the zero-sum game of right or wrong.
This is, I believe psychologically immature – and its time we grew up.
Having said this, let me assure the reader that I see myself as having only begun the business of growing up.
What is going on?
I believe free speech is vital – but in some communities its exercise has grated against my sensibilities. I have a bias toward speech that is truthful and respectful – exploratory rather than assertive. And I have a bias toward people who are self-reflective, thoughtful, and not impelled by arrogance or anger – or a compulsion to be right.
What is true or right isn’t as clear cut as we often think. Certainty at a personal level does not always translate to certainty shared by all members of a community.
We know this in our families. The psychology of in-groups and out-groups is such that we give far greater latitude to in-group members. We assert that out-group members are wrong in so many ways.
Sometimes it isn’t that an idea is the dealbreaker of a relationship so much as the attitude that accompanies it. We sometimes don’t even bother to assess the integrity of an idea because its mere assertion militates against what we believe to be true – regardless of whether we have assessed that belief against data and reasoned thought.
We frame arguments to defend a belief in ways that serve our needs, rather than tailor them to reasonably convince our audience. And when they are not persuaded, we are certain that this because of their deficits in mentality and integrity, and certainly not in our arguments or the belief they are intended to bolster.
After several years of thinking about belief I concluded that it comes down to what we imagine to be true and then we construct social and intellectual props to support that assertion.
Recently my inquiry into cognitive science and evolutionary anthropology has given me confidence I am least in the right ballpark.
If we don’t understand how and why we form beliefs, we will not escape from the sense that they are fundamental to our sense of being and meaning and hence must be defended with an existential zeal.
In our evolution we lived in communities where shared beliefs and values were critical to our survival. These days we still do need shared beliefs and values to craft a workable society – but at nowhere the level that was once necessary. Now we can accommodate a far wider, more diverse, set of beliefs about the meaning of life etc. We live in complex, pluralistic and diverse communities and yet the essential mechanisms of living together work tolerably well. I was advised many years ago to marvel that things work as well as they do, rather than lament the manifold manifest deficits in our conception and practice.
I constantly remind myself of the wise words of Tom Peters, a ‘management guru’ I first encountered in the late 1980s. He said that we lived in a ‘sloppy and messy’ world. This, I subsequently discovered, was an unexpectedly eloquent [but hardly elegant] description of reality – deeply complex and malleable – but with crunchy bits that attract sentiments of certainty.
Contestation has value in aspects of our lives. However, misinterpretation of evolution has led some to believe that competition is the pervasive and dominant impulse in nature. It isn’t. Interdependence is the norm. Competition functions under the umbrella of interdependence – the crunchy bits.
Kuhn’s lament that science’s progress is only possible one funeral at a time is telling. It makes me wonder how much more progress might have been made if our dominant actors on our cultural stage had been more psychologically mature and less inclined to assert their particular beliefs. It’s as if there is a paradox at play. The passion and determination to rise to the top of one’s field often requires the fuel of egotism – and this becomes part of the colour of success. Combatting egos fool us into believing they model how to do things. Observers of our primate cousins note that alpha males aren’t leaders in any sensible sense – they are just dominant. We can see that in our culture that dominant egos have sold us the lie that they are leaders. We are beginning also to see that their egotistical chest thumping has led us into a perilous cul-de-sac.
Frank and fearless
My long time in the public sector made me accustomed to being expected to offer frank and fearless advice – which I tried to honour. It was expected my advice would be well-informed, accurate, clear, and respectful. But the reality was that it was often not received in a reciprocating spirit. And advice I was given occasionally was neither frank nor fearless – and often wrong and biased. I learned to carefully double check advice from some sources.
The ideal was fine, but, as with many ideals, living up to it was compromised by human impulses unconsciously obeyed. It doesn’t take too deep a dive into psychology to grasp that we deceive ourselves and others routinely. This isn’t out of any malign spirit. We simply have reflexes that have evolved to serve our needs – but in settings very unlike what live in now.
The ideal and reality don’t mesh neatly. Frank and fearless advice has theoretical merits. But if that ideal is applied injudiciously in the real world, it can and will lead to trouble. A person who now is a good friend was a member of a team I led. One day a director approached me to advise that I should speak to my team member who they assessed to be ‘unreliable’ in meetings. They had dared ask questions which put the director and other leaders on the spot. The questions were entirely sensible. But they also violated the unspoken code of not embarrassing leaders.
So, we had a chat about what happens when intelligence and integrity encounters presumptions of prowess based entirely on position. We had to learn how to candy-coat the truth to power if we wanted to deliver good outcomes for the community we served and survive.
Raw idealism does not work.
Competition vs Cooperation
For a very long time, since the adoption of Darwin’s theory at least, we have been persuaded that competition is the norm in the living world. But science has been unpicking that fabric for decades. Ecologies do have a natural element of competition, but within a far greater impulse to cooperate and be interdependent.
I grew up playing games – cricket, soccer, Aussie rules, chess, Monopoly, Ludo, darts, so many card games, and pool. I also played elaborate war games that lasted several days. In each game competition was essential – but only within a structure of rules and compliance with them. Ill-disciplined competition in the form of cheating was not okay.
I am grateful for the life lessons game playing taught me. I learned to analyze situations, assess people, think strategically and bide my time.
We are told that a certain amount of stress is good for us, indeed it is essential for our well-being. It is very much like competition. Game playing is possible only because of the rules. We can use games to test ourselves or to dominate others – and if domination is our goal, we will try to have the rules favour us. You can see where this might go if the urge to compete is pathological.
What we are learning more and more via science and more mature thinking is that our reality is a complex of interdependencies and collaborations in which competition is a nuanced but necessary flavor.
Why does any of this matter in a spiritual sense
I started to write this on 21 January 2025, the day before my birthday and the anniversary of my mum’s death – an interesting timing that has been elegantly revolutionary over the past 27 years. It has routinely plunged me into deep thought. On the first anniversary my mother’s spirit visited me and gave me a gift of an understanding that transformed my life. This year that reflective period continued into February.
There are already signs that this year is going bring transformational developments that going to change the way many will think about their lives. But those developments can shift us into transcending the impulse to contest what is real and good and true or tip us into full on conflict. There’s no point in saying that ‘we have a choice’ if we don’t know how to exercise it. And it’s going to be less likely we will take the opportunity to find out how to do so if the climate of aggressive assertion of the right to lie, mislead and insult is perpetuated.
The choice we have is to decide whether we are predominantly competitors or collaborators. Even deciding we are predominantly collaborators isn’t enough because we have likely imbibed a lifetime of culturally conditioned competition habits. Deconditioning ourselves is a big and long job. Being aware is an essential beginning though.
Let me put this in context. Today I found 2 sources of ideas that I tapped into in the past few days converging. I started listening to a podcast called The Telepathy Tapes yesterday and watching some recent UFO/ET videos as well. The content of both sources resonated with ideas from David R. Samson’s Our Tribal Future. Samson is an evolutionary anthropologist who observes that our innate psychological reflexes are mismatched against our current social reality and that we need to do intentional work to speedily adapt those reflexes to how things are now.
It’s not that we are doing anything wrong, just that we are lagging behind where we need to be in our adaptation if we want to achieve the outcomes that we desire without more widespread suffering than seems presently likely.
I am a fan of that idea that critical change is achieved one funeral at a time. Younger generations imbibe the new values that are generated by cultural change activists. I can see this happening in my own family. It’s not a smooth transition but the difference in outlook between my parents and my nieces and nephews, and my grandson is stark.
But those changes have happened only because the cultural change activists have undertaken intentional efforts to evolve how they think and believe. Neuroscience tells us that such change is demanding. In the storm of our personal lives the extra cognitive effort to refine our perceptions and feelings is a cost we must pay.
We all know this is true. Keeping new year’s resolutions, breaking habits, sticking to diets, or adopting and following a new belief set all demand cognitive [emotional and intellectual] effort to change how we are to how we want to be. It isn’t easy, but the change won’t happen without the effort.
For the past 20 months or so I have been responding to an inner urge to think and write on the theme of the future of human spirituality. I wondered whether it was necessary to sayhuman spirituality – and apparently it is. The reason is dawning on me slowly as I find myself drawn to books on the evolution of the biology of our behaviour. This isn’t an area many people with an abiding interest matters spiritual have bothered with. The doggedly materialistic voice that has dominated science has made such curiosity seem pointless from a spiritual perspective.
But things have changed. The newer generations of scientists may be influenced by materialism, but they haven’t grown up loyal to it and they are not cowed by it. They are asking more subtle questions and finding equally subtle responses.
A few days ago, I watched a YouTube video earnestly discussing a biblical text said to be at least 3,000 years old. Why? Why invest so much energy into a text whose actual content had nothing of meaning to say to us? It seemed to me that this was a fusion of game playing and displacement activity. It had value only in the context of the group of people who have a passion for this hobby.
Where we finding meaning about the challenges and opportunities ahead of us matters. I have spent decades seeking insight in sources from the past. This has been an immensely rewarding pursuit and I still engage in it, but to a far lesser degree.
What seems now a better application of effort is exploring current knowledge – of which there is such an abundance. Little of this knowledge is expressed in ways that satisfy the needs of a spiritual quester, so there’s a job to be done.
My growing interest concerns what it means to be human. It is a question that has become enticingly difficult to answer with any real clarity. I want to craft my own answer because I do believe that we will share an awareness of those we presently call ET in the not very distant future – and I want to be psychologically prepared for that. I presently think ET is interdimensional and their open arrival will transform how we must think about our reality.
In a recent audiobook or podcast there was a fleeting reference to a claimed statement from the Buddha about how reality was woven from the interlacing of the consciousnesses of many lives. That claim sent me off on a fascinating reverie, hence I am no longer sure where it came from.
This is, of course, a very animistic thing but the version I am more familiar with says that ‘we’ create reality with our minds. The ‘we’ here is taken to mean only humans. We are privileging ourselves as creators rather than contributors. We see ourselves major and even dominant players when, in the scheme of things, we may be only players of lesser roles and not the stars of the show.
In the biblical drama humans are the stars on the earthly stage. In a desert setting that might be fair enough. But that’s not the case for forest and jungle dwellers. We have framed our sense of being human on the tales from arid lands and I don’t think that will serve us well when we have to adapt to interdimensional visitation – and discover we live in a multidimensional forest and not a spatial wilderness.
Conclusion
I think we have a lot of hard work to do to reimagine what it is to be human. The mindset of competition being the dominant logic of life has permeated our culture. Our religious roots lie in a zero-sum soil that has been aggressively competitive – there is only one God, to whom all is subject, and we have the exclusive say on how that plays out.
We are heirs to this mentality, and it saturates and influences us whether we like it or not. This influence goes to our core and just rejecting the language and cultural practices is only a good first step. It isn’t sufficient.
I am not saying it’s all bad. There have been powerful evolutionary impulses for good expressed through our religions, but they remain entangled in historic tribal contexts that do not suit where we are and where we must go. There’s good evidence that western cultures are abandoning institutional religions in favour of DIY spirituality or atheism and materialism. But, as with any desirable trend, it can be boosted by intentional effort.
This effort is about going in the desired direction and not about arguing whether a particular path that suits somebody’s needs is right or wrong for other people. Ultimately what we believe serves our psychological needs, so the fact that what we believe doesn’t serve somebody else’s psychological needs isn’t important. But what is important is that this is understood.
There aren’t right or wrong spiritual beliefs. Some may be unhealthy and even toxic – reflecting a vulnerable psychological state which resonates with them. The risk of predation by promoters of such beliefs upon those vulnerable to manipulation is another matter.
Beliefs may also be expressed using assertions of objective factuality that are either not supported or contradicted by data. That’s fair game in terms of disputing such claims. However, this is something that requires discipline and sensibility. Some atheists love engaging with Christians who see the Bible as a source of literal truth. But to what good end? If the engagement also denigrates their faith and their sense of identity the exercise can become a form of bullying.
In Our Tribal Future Samson observes that members of an in-group will sacrifice truth for myth because identity and shared membership are more important than relying on data and objective truth.
We all make metaphysical guesses about what we believe is good and true and real. Materialists are sincere in their beliefs and constantly demonstrate a willingness to not follow the data – lest their identity and membership of a valued group becomes untenable.
If we look closely at our own conduct, we will maybe discover that we all sacrifice truth for belonging and identity to some degree. It’s what humans do.
We are used to thinking we are the smartest critter on the planet and when we meet with ET it will be a meeting with peers. It won’t be. I have encountered a non-human intelligence, and the comparison is not even toddler to adult. We are in for a profound surprise which may translate into shock and even existential trauma of the kind experienced by indigenous people upon the arrival of white people.
As we discover interdependency and cooperation are more widespread that we assumed we can surrender to that truth – or we can cling to our culturally conditioned beliefs and our familiar sense of identity.
A list of resources
These are only books I have come across, and which have inspired me. So, the list is neither exhaustive nor proscriptive. I urge the reader to be open and curious.
I read kindle books which I can put on my phone, and I listen to lots audiobooks because I can ‘read’ while I am doing other things. I am often told there’s no time to read much. That really isn’t true – it’s about what we choose to do with our time. I used to commute to work – 1 hour door-to-door each way. That was 2 hours a day, 10 hours a week that was available to me. The question is what we are motivated to do with the time we have. We will make the time available that we think we need. Reading isn’t a competition. It’s a collaboration with our own inner life.
- Biology and Human Behaviours:
- The Neurological Origins of Individuality by Robert M. Sapolsky
- Becoming Kin by Patty Krawec and Nick Estes
- A Secular Age by Charles Taylor
- The Power of Us by J.V. Van Bavel & D. J. Packer
- Imminent by Luis Elizondo
- A New Science of the Afterlife by Daniel Drasin
- Tribal by Michael Morris
- The Holographic Universe by Michael Talbot
- The Soul by Paul Ham
- The Golden Road by William Dalrymple
- Cognitive Science, Religion, and Theology by Justin L. Barrett
- Thriving with Stone-Age Minds by Justin L. Barrett & Pamela Ebstyne King
- Behave by Robert M. Sapolsky
- Finding the Mother Tree: Uncovering the Wisdom and Intelligence of the Forest by Suzanne Simard
- The Light Eaters by Zoe Schlanger
- Thus Spoke the Plant by Monica Gagliano
- Our Tribal Future by David R. Samson
- The Telepathy Tapes – a podcast with Ky Dickens
- The Monroe Institute – YouTube Channel
- NDE The Other Side – YouTube Channel
- Ideas – CBC podcast
- To the Best of Our Knowledge – Wisconsin Public Radio